Shopping controlled me!

Omg!!!
What is in my mind actually?
I come here, working here, bear everything here, at first the reason is for my studies...
But recently I found that my view changed or can say is I out controlled.
Haha...


Next,
I wanted to share my result about my shopping in Singapore.
Hehe...


First day, I shopping in Yishun, I buy
1) A lot of hair, face accessories...useful...
2) 2 similar cloths from Cotton On-the cloths need to wear with tube, is super comfortable because made by cotton...


Second day, I shopping in Woodland and Bishan, I buy
1) 2 similar short pants from Cotton On too-I like it so much because it's a pants made of cotton too, super comfortable when wear...
2) 1 antique necklace-omg! It is worth mentioning, this is what I bought the most expensive necklace in this life...But it is worth...I just can say that I love it so much...Woohoo...
I love antique!

Next week,
Third day,I shopping in Ang Mo Kio, I buy
1) First is a pair of shoe, I buy-is a shoe with great personality, blue with grey color, a costly shoe...
2) 3 vest 1 tube-omg! I started to regret it...but I like it too...haha...
3) another shoe with flesh color-This is a proper shoe, cheaper than the 1st shoe...
This is my first time to buy 2 shoes in a day! Can't let ah fen know or she will kill me soon...haha...


Finally, the expression is I spend a lot of money here.
I waste my studies fee.
I wanted to postpone my studies again.
Originally, I am a women who will spend a lot of money.
I think is nobody accompany me shopping then cause me spend too much already.
(trying to put responsible to others)
haha...
I am out controlled!


Now I just worry that how my studies? How my future?
What I am thinking?
Oh My God!


SUCK!!!

Survive

It's true.
People would change with the environment.
I changed.
I found that I already look like other than myself.
My face, my mind, my attitude, my personality and....all changed...
I can say that I become mature and different.
Yes! I can feel that you know.
I found the real me, but this is not a good thing, I can change my character easily when I was faced with different people.
It's cruel to me.
I try to maintain all of these but I can't.
Oh My Goodness!!!
Even so, I decided to keep this character.
I don't want perfect.
The perfect person need to bear the great pressure, but I don't care.
Perhaps this is the condition that can't eat grapes then says that the grapes is sour, but...
Maybe this is true also.
SIMPLE is my aim!
haha...
Anyway, I don't want to try again, this is cruel and torment.
Like the decision that I made to give up my studies and go to social work.
Haiz...
Because of this decision, I lost a lot of thing that belong to me before it.

By the way, I learned.
I learned how to bear...anythings that can bear or can't bear, I bear all of it lastly!
I got my lessons.

Only one thing that I can't learn more is the skill of communication.
I try my best but still can't reach the top.
Please give me some times.
I want success without any help, just my effort.

Useless

已经一个月多了
为什么还是这样不习惯
还是那么拘谨 胆小 怕事 放不开
明明是一家人 明明人家对我好好的
为什么我那么的没用
什么都不敢
不管小事大事都不敢
很严重的觉得自己无能
I'm useless!!!

新工作
我却怕东怕西 忘东忘西的
达不到别人对我的期望
我好没用
什么都做不好
出来做事了我才知道我是那么的糊涂
那么的大神经
一点小事都做不好
我就那么的差劲吗
做错了我只能借着天黑 在路上偷流泪
借着人多 在mrt流泪
谁知道

很想很想回到一年前
那个十八岁 不怕事 不知天高地厚
有一大堆好朋友的我
跟你们在一起真的很快乐
来这里一个月
我也忍了一个月
也不曾真真正正的笑过
我真的很不喜欢做工
我压力大到已经不知道什么是压力了
我难过到已经不知道什么是眼泪了
我伪装到已经不知道我是谁了
我想哭到眼泪已经不流了
我想你们想到我心痛死了
我后悔到我已经没感觉了

有一次放工回家时
我看到了家乐的背影
我以为我在金宝了
我真的以为
我差点就开口喊他了
那个时候我开心了一秒钟
我笑了
但过后却失望了一整天
我哭了
我很想回金宝
真的好想

知道你们很开心的在过生活
祝福你们

我也祝福我自己
能再忍三个月
只要三个月就好了
我就能读书了
有谁知道现在的我多么的想读书
想回校园
想跟朋友一起
但是人事已非
没朋友了
每个人都忘了我
很失望的说

我要得其实不多
却比任何人都难得到
原来一切就是这样
不公平
我连反抗的勇气也没有
我输